


Missing You

by superlockednegan84



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 01:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16903407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superlockednegan84/pseuds/superlockednegan84
Summary: John has a wife when he dies.  And she has to come to terms with it after he passes





	Missing You

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I’d need you there when I cry

You sat alone in your room. It’d only been a couple of hours since the love of your life had died. It felt like the walls were closing in around you. You sighed as they walked in, “Kennedy are you ok?” You stood up looking into his deep green eyes and you hit his chest, “Am I okay? Are you okay? I’m never going to be okay Dean. He’s gone. How is that okay. I didn’t get enough time.” He wrapped you in his arms and held you tight, “Shhh sweetheart I know how you feel.” Your eyes swelled up and the tears began to fall, “Four years wasn’t long enough. We had so many plans. What am I supposed to do without him guys.” Sam walked over to you and stroked your hair, “Exactly what he would want you to do. You continue living and hunting. You don’t give up and die.”

And the days feel like years when I’m alone

And the bed where you lie

Is made up on your side

You looked over at the side of the bed where John Winchester used to sleep and the tears fell all over. Sam was there to catch you before you collapsed, “Whoa it’s okay what now?” You sniffled back the tears, “The bed is still made up on his side. It’s so lonely without him. I can’t stay in this house anymore.” Sam kissed you softly on the forehead, “That’s understandable. Come stay with Bobby until you find a new place. I’m sure he won’t mind the company.” You smiled weakly, “Oh yeah Bobby. You think it’d be okay.” Dean laughed, “Hell he loves having people to fuss over.” You looked at Dean, “But he’s never met me before.” Dean shrugged, “It’s okay sweetheart. You’re a hunter, and you’re a Winchester. He’ll love you. Come on let’s go.”

They pulled up to a house in the middle of a junk yard around noon. There was a man sitting on the front porch who stood up once the car came to a stop, “Well hello boys. Long time no see.” The boys stepped out of the car, “Hey Bobby.” You were the next one to step out. Bobby looked at you, “And who might this be?” Dean sighed, “This is Kennedy Winchester.” Bobby chuckled, “So John had another kid?” You stepped forward, “No sir. I’m his wife. Well I guess I would be his widow now, huh.” Sam grabbed you into a hug, “Shhhh.” Bobby looked at Dean, “John got remarried?” Dean nodded, “Yeah about a year ago. Surprised he didn’t tell you. He meet her when she first came over from Ireland. She’s a pretty bad ass hunter. She just can’t be at their house right now. We figured she could crash here.” Bobby nodded in understanding, “I’ll get make up the guest room. Was planning on making burgers for supper.”

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

You laid down on the bed skipping supper. You hadn’t really been feeling very hungry lately. Dean had made you promise to take a plate with you though, and it sat untouched on the night stand. You fought back the tears, but eventually they won. You squeezed your eyes shut trying to force the tears away and when you opened them again you were staring up into his brown ones. You gasped and reached out to touch his face, “John is it really you?” He smiled at you, “Yes baby girl it is. But I don’t have long.” You leaned up and kissed him, “But can’t you see how much I need you right now?” He kissed her back, “I know princess, but I have to do this right now. I’m sorry.” You sighed, “I know Daddy, but why does it have to take you away from me?” He kissed you one more time then he was gone and you woke up in a sweat. It was daylight out now.

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

You made your way down to the kitchen where the coffee was already made. Dean smiled at you from his coffee cup, “How did you sleep sweetheart?” You flinched, he didn’t mean anything by it, but it reminded you of him, “Please don’t call me that Dean. And I slept like crap.” Dean frowned, “Kennedy I’ve always called you that.” You threw the cup full of coffee across the room watching as it shattered into a million pieces, “Yeah Dean and so did he. Did you ever think about that. Do you ever just stop for two fucking seconds and think. Every time you call me that I think of him and the fact that I’m never going to see him again.” Bobby came rushing in after hearing the cup break, “Whoa….what happened is everyone okay.” Dean stood up to start cleaning up the mess, “Yeah Bobby everyone is fine. I, um, just upset Kennedy is all.” Bobby looked from you to Dean, “Well cut it out. And you back upstairs to bed you look like death warmed over.”

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

You laid on the bed flicking through the pictures of him on your phone. Trying to memorize his face before your forgot it. How long had it been after your parents died that you’d forgotten their faces? A week, a month? God you didn’t ever want to forget his face. Sam stuck his head in the door, “Hey Kennedy. How ya feeling.” You smiled sweetly, “LIke shit Sam. I don’t want to forget him and I feel so empty. Like part of me is missing.” You held up your phone showing a picture of the four of you, “That was our wedding day. We were all so happy.” Sam took the phone, “This is not helping you. Just put it down for awhile. Step away. Think about something else.” You reached for the phone before realizing he was right, “You’re right Sammy. Will you take me back to the house? I need to get a few things.” Sam smiled, “Sure whatever you want.”

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

They pulled up to the house and you sighed and Sam looked at you, “Kennedy you don’t have to do this. I can go in there and get whatever it is you need.” You glanced over at Sam, “You don’t even know what it is.” Sam frowned, “ I know, but you could tell me what you need and I could go get it.” You sighed, “But you won’t know where to find it at Sammy. Thanks for trying to help.” You stepped out of the car and looked up at the house, “You don’t have to stay Sammy I’ll take my car back to Bobby’s.” Sam sighed, “Ok Kennedy if that’s what you really want.” You headed for the house, “It is Sammy, It really is.” He watched you walk up the stairs and enter the house before he called Dean. Dean picked up his phone, “Hey Sammy. What do you mean? You took her back? Are you a fucking idiot dude? It’s to fucking soon for her to be back in that house. Just sit there and watch the house until I get there.” Bobby looked at him concern in his eyes, “What’s going on?” Dean sighed, “Sammy took her home.” Bobby sighed, “ Fudging idjit.”

I never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

You walked into the house locking the door and barricading it behind you. You stood in the living room looking around. Everywhere you looked was a memory of John. The fight you’d had in the kitchen when you first moved in. That had led to rough makeup sex on the kitchen floor. The positive pregnancy test in the bathroom. Then a month later the bleeding and the pain and fear in the bedroom. You shook your head. Only the good memories. Not the bad. Never the bad. Never again with the bad. There’s no more time for the bad. You walked into the bathroom and saw the discarded towel right where he’d left it. You laughed to yourself. How many stupid fights had there been about soggy towels left in the bathroom floor instead of thrown in the clothes hamper. You picked it up and sniffed it. It still smelled of his old spice body wash. You threw it in the hamper and headed for the bedroom.

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor

And they smell just like,

I love the things that you do

You walked into the room to see one of his flannel shirts thrown on the floor. The one you’d ripped off him before he’d left that last time. You picked it up and it still smelt of old spice and whiskey. You pulled it on and wrapped it around yourself tight. As if wearing it would bring him back. Would wake you up from this horrible nightmare you were living in. You looked over at the closet and sighed. You knew in it’s depths held more of his clothes. You walked over to it and flung it open. There they were. His treacherous clothes mocking you. You screamed then started ripping them from the hangers, “I hate you John. Why did you have to leave me. You promised you’d never leave me.” You sank to the floor on the pile of clothes and began to cry.

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

All of a sudden there was a smell of sulfur and you looked up to see a charming man smiling down at you, “Hello Love. Names Crowley and I can help you with your little problem.” Your hand went for the bottle of holy water you always kept in your closet. You grabbed and opened it, then splashed it in his face, “I don’t make deals with devils.” He screamed out in pain, “Not even if I can give you what you want most?” You laughed, “Oh yeah and what do you get in return, my soul?” Crowley chuckled, “That’s how these things usually work. But don’t worry. I wouldn’t collect right away. I’d give you ten years.” You scoffed, “Do you really think ten years is enough time to spend with the person you love?” He shrugged, “Yeah I think that’s more than enough time.” You punched him in the face hard, “Then you’ve never truly loved someone.” He held his bleeding nose, “You’re a tough one to bargain with. Okay name your price.” You laughed, “I told you I don’t make deals with devils. Do you know how pissed off John would be if he found out. It’s not worth it.”

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

Crowley smirked at you, “But don’t you want your love back in your arms?” You kicked him hard in the chest, “More than you will ever know. But I will not give you my soul to get him back, because that’s not what he would want.” You fought him until you got him on the spot in the living room where the devil’s trap was. You smirked, “Looks like I got you trapped now Love.” He frowned, “Bloody Irish.” You laughed, “Funny I could say the same about the Scots now couldn’t I. Now we can do this the hard way or the easy way. Choice is yours.” He smirked, “Oh yeah and which ways are those?” You smirked back, “I can do an exorcism send your demon ass back to hell and leave your meat suit here. Or I let you go and you go back to hell on your own leaving me alone. Choice is yours.”

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

He glared at you, “And what if I choose neither.” You smirked, “Come on Scotty you’re stuck in a devil’s trap. You have to pick one. If not I’m gonna pick for you. And I’m sure you’re not going to like the one I choose.” He scoffed at you, “You don’t have the nerve little girl.” You stood as tall as your four foot eight inch frame would allow, “Oh really. You don’t think so.” You took a deep breath and in thick Irish spoke, “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio….” He cut you off, “Enough, enough I’ll go just….just stop the exorcism.” You broke the devil’s trap on the floor, “Don't’ ever let me see you again Scotty. It won’t bode well for you.” Crowley bowed, “It was a pleasure meeting you Mrs. Winchester. You certainly live up to the famous name. Even if you’re not a blood Winchester.” You smiled weakly, “Can’t say the same for you Scotty. Now be gone.”

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

You walked back into the bedroom and laid back on the pile of his clothes. It wasn’t long before you were asleep. You felt his lips on yours and your eyes bolted open, “Daddy are you really here this time, or am I dreaming again?” He held you close, “It’s another dream sweetheart, I’m sorry. I just wanted to tell you I’m proud of you. If it was me I would have done it. No matter how pissed off you would have been.” You reached out and touched his face, “But Daddy ten years is not enough. It would have never been enough. So what would have been the point?” His hand moved up your side as he looked into your deep green eyes, “I love you so much Kennedy. I miss you.” You sighed, “I miss you so much John. Can’t I just stay asleep forever. Then we can be together.” He sighed, “You can’t baby girl. You have to carry on. The world still needs you.” You frowned and held him close, “But I don’t want to live there without you. It’s too hard.” He kissed you forehead, “I know it is baby girl. I’ve been where you are. Take all that anger and all that hate and channel it into the hunt.” You looked into his eyes and nodded tears filling your eyes. He lifted your chin, “What have I told you about crying?” You smiled through the tears, “Can’t you make an exception this time?” He held you tight, “I don’t have much time left sweetheart.” You wiped a tear away, “But why. Why can’t you just stay?” He stiffened up, “Damn it Kennedy you know why. Now it’s time for you to snap out of it and wake up. Be a good girl for me. Please.” With those last words you bolted up in a sweat, tears rolling down your cheeks.

We were made for each other

Out here forever

You’d locked and barricaded the front door, but you’d forgot about the back door. Sam stepped out of his car once Dean arrived, “She’s barricaded herself inside. There was a man in there with her yesterday. Think they were fighting. I couldn’t get in. Then he was gone. She’s spent a lot of time in the bedroom.” Dean nodded, “Have you tried the back door?” Sam shook his head, “Just figured it would be blocked too.” Dean patted him on the shoulder, “Okay come on let’s go try it.” They walked up to the back door. Dean tried the knob and it opened right away, “Well we’re in. Let’s go find her.” Sam followed behind Dean. They found her in the bedroom on a pile of his clothes crying and hugging some of his clothes. Sam went to run to her, but Dean stopped him and whispered, “We have to be careful with how we approach her. Don’t wanna scare her. I’m sure she’s got a knife on her or around her.” Sam nodded.

I know we were, yeah, yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Sam walked towards you, “Kennedy it’s me Sammy.” You looked up at him, then reached out for him, “He won’t let me stay with him Sammy. He yelled at me. Said I had to wake up. I didn’t want to wake up Sammy.” Sam looked at you concerned, “What are you talking about?” You sighed, “He’s come to me in my dreams twice now. Once at Bobby’s and once last night. He knows I don’t like to be yelled at.” Sam held you tight, “I’m sure he didn’t mean it princess.” You pushed him away, “Sam don’t….don’t call me that.” Tears filled your eyes as you stood up and headed for the door. Dean was there to stop you, “Not this time Kennedy. You’re family now. You don’t get to run away from us. You get to deal with it with us. We deal with it together. You don’t have to deal with this shit alone anymore. The joys of being a Winchester. Now you wanna tell me why it smells like sulfur in here.” You sighed, “Because a crossroad demon came here last night and tried to make a deal. Don’t worry I sent him on his way.” Dean hugged you tight, “Good job. Can’t say any of us would have done the same.” You sighed, “Ten years would have never been long enough.”

Everything I do, I give my heart and soul

I can hardly breath, I Need to feel you here with me, yeah

Dean nodded, “I’ll never understand the love you guys had.” You looked up at him, “One day you will. One day someone will come along and you’ll know what it feels like to truly love. And hopefully you’ll never have to feel what me and Sammy have felt.” Sam wrapped you in a hug, understanding a little more what you were going through, “I didn’t realize you loved dad that much.” You laughed, “I’m sure I loved him more. If that’s even possible.” Sam hugged you tighter, “I think I understand a little more what you’re going through now. Can’t really say let’s do what I did to forget Jess.” You laughed, “Yeah I don’t think finding your dad is really an option here.” Dean smirked, “But there’s still hunting.” Sam looked up, “Very true. Let’s go kill some monsters.” You smiled, “I do have some anger and hate I need to get out.”

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

You stood in an abandon house in the middle of the woods. They were using you as bait. You hated this part the most. But werewolves like pretty young girls the most. You sat down and started crying. It wasn’t long before a handsome man showed up, “Hello little lady. Why are you crying?” You sniffled back the tears, “I….I lost my friends. We were camping in the woods and I went for a walk and now I can’t find the camp.” Two more guys joined him, “Maybe we could help you.” They started to turn. When the first one lunged at you Dean and Sam burst into the room. The fight was on. You were thrown through a wall and pinned. You thought for sure this was the end when a blade came through the heart of the beast killing it. You got out from underneath it and looked up at Sam, “Thank you Sammy.” He smiled, “No problem. Let’s go give Dean a hand.” You rushed over to the last wolf killing it. Dean scoffed, “I had it.” You smirked before passing out.

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

You woke up to beeping and white walls. You head was pounding, and your whole body ached. You turned your head and saw Dean and Sam sitting next to the bed, “My boys.” They looked up tears in their eyes, “Kennedy you’re awake.” You smiled, “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be.” Dean frowned, “Kennedy, you’ve been out for a month.” You shook your head, “No Dean you’re crazy. There’s no way.” Sam grabbed your hand, “That werewolf threw you through a wall. You had a concussion and internal bleeding along with some broken bones. They put you into a forced coma to try to get the bleeding to stop. It worked.” You sighed, “I remember going through the wall and you saving me. Then me saving Dean, but that’s it.” Dean frowned, “Because you passed out right after that.” You sighed, “Well I’m okay now right.” Sam smiled, “It seems so.” You smiled before passing out again. The machines starting beeping making the flatline noise. Nurses and doctors rushed in shoving Sam and Dean out.

The words I need to hear will always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

The doctor walked out into the waiting room, “Mr. and Mr. Winchester I regret to inform you that your stepmother didn’t make it.” Sam stood up, “What….what do you mean she didn’t make it. She was just carrying on a conversation with us.” The doctor sighed, “She had an aortic aneurysm. It ruptured causing bleeding in the compartment surrounding the brain. Usually we can get this to stop, unfortunately in this case we couldn’t.” Dean punched the wall, “Son of a bitch.” Sam’s head sank, “Thank you doctor. I’m sure you did everything you could.” The doctor looked at them, “I’m sorry for your loss.” Sam sighed and looked at Dean, “Well at least now she doesn’t have to miss dad.”

Your eyes opened to see him laying next to you, “John am I dreaming again. I don’t understand.” He sighed. He looked so sad, “No baby girl. This time it’s not a dream.” You looked into his eyes, “But I don’t understand. How are you really here with me?” He frowned, “I’m not there with you princess. You’re here with me.” Your eyes went wide, “You mean I’m dead now too.” He nodded, “Afraid so princess.” You sighed, “Well at least now I can be with you forever.” He laughed and kissed you softly.


End file.
